would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
