just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
