I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want nice things and good sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
