margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think my fart just growled at me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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