Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You made out with two different species that night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
