Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
