the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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