She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
