I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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