but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
