he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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