He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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