I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
