I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
