So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
