The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
