I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
