omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
