; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
