WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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