shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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