i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
