Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont even know how to be here
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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