OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
