i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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