He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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