Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
