Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
