I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
