My nipple is on Facebook.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
