Kiss
Puke
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
