have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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