I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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