My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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