I want to make a zoo with you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
