This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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