I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
