Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
