I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
