My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
