Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
