i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
