I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just high enough for therapy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
