ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
