All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
