The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
