why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
