Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
