Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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