We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
