Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
