we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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