just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
