How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's blow job season.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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