Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
