After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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