He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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