we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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