it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
