we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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